Remembering Your Why

“I’ve learned that it’s important to take time to reflect; to come back to the reason I picked teaching in the first place.”

It’s 5 am when I’m awakened by my morning alarm. The thought of my morning commute and the day ahead makes me want to pull the sheets over my head and go back to sleep. Resisting everything my body is telling me to do, I slowly inch out of bed. I get ready for the day, grab my backpack (packed the night before just so I could sleep in a few extra minutes), and hurry out the door into the dark night sky. 

Most people are still sleeping at this hour, as I walk through the empty streets of New York City, the smell of trash day consumes me. When I approach the subway, I look down the stairs and see the rats scurrying across the platform. I hear the train approaching, take a deep breath, and run down the stairs to avoid the first of many “rat run-ins” of the day. I board the train, take my seat, deeply exhale, and prepare for the hour ride that lies ahead.

As exhausted as I am, I stay awake thinking about the day ahead. I can’t help but wonder “why?” Why am I putting myself through this each day? As soon as I get to work, the stress of the day is only just beginning. I’ll get that last-minute email from my principal with several new deadlines. I’ll scramble to get last-minute prep done right before my students arrive. I’ll continue the daily struggle with the five students placed into my class with extreme behavioral concerns, and of course, that email late last night alerting me of a new student starting in my class... today. 

Finally, I get to my classroom, sit down at my desk, and take my first sip of coffee. I try to get myself together to happily greet the 32 kindergarten students about to walk through my door. The day will be long; full of tantrums, potty accidents, loud transitions, the fires I’ll have to put out when I pick them up from recess, and that student who I already know will run out of my classroom several times a day. I’ll continue to be “that class'' in the hallway that I fail to keep quiet and “that class” in the cafeteria that can’t keep still. Feeling exacerbated before the day even starts, I look up as my kids begin to walk in. Some race to me for their morning hug, others choosing a “high five” or a “handshake,” a few handing me a homemade picture, faces all eager to begin a new day. My heart warms, my face breaks into a smile as I greet each and every student knowing it’s going to be a challenging, but rewarding day. These were my first years of teaching. 

Often when I think about why I continued on this path, my response is always the same: it goes back to my “why.” Sometimes the “why” is hard to see. I question it when days are hard, and I feel frustrated and lost. I’ve learned that it’s important to take time to reflect; to come back to the reason I picked teaching in the first place. My “why” is having the opportunity to motivate and inspire each and every child. My “why” is that one-time Keimarri finally remembered to write the second “r” in his name and that one-time O’Ryan finally used his words instead of force. It is that moment Lewis finally counted to twenty and that time Megan learned to read. My “why” is showing up for my kids each day and watching the proud smiles when they learned a new skill.  My “why” is the reason I get out of bed in the morning and the reason I continue to do so year after year.  

There are many times the season of uncertainty rears its ugly head and I can’t remember why I chose to teach in the first place. Whether it’s your first two years of teaching or your last, pandemic teaching, with its challenges, continues to feel like the first year for many of us. 

During these unprecedented times, it’s more important now than ever to remember your “why.”  Why do you continue to get up day after day and deal with the challenges of new technology and the frustrations of a changing educational system? 

“Do you remember why you became a teacher? What’s your why?”

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This post is part of the series, “May-tired Already” dedicated to providing educators practical strategies to re-energize and refresh for the long year ahead. To see all parts of the series, go here.